Jonathan

 

JONATHAN
(After Lilledeshan Bose)

Everybody has a boyfriend named Jonathan. Jonah, Junjun, Nathan, Anthony, Tony, Wanwan, John, Troy.

They are sweat-smelling and rough and big from a basketball game. They have clean haircut, pressed polo, big backpacks and white rubber shoes. To be with a girl, they hold doors for her, shake their shoulders and puff their chests like young roosters.

These Jonathans have roses and chocolates for you, a candlelit dinner for two, and quick kisses in dark movie houses. You practice your lips every Friday night for a date on Saturdays with Anthony.

Junjun waits for your arrival in his favorite internet station. You imagine a night on a secluded beach with Wanwan, gathering smooth shells like counting small stars. During afternoon breaks, Troy steals away from his class just to join you on your pineapple pie diet. You sit on a park bench with Jonah, holding hands, talking about nothing. Nathan is hesitant but lets you have a sip on his beer. At the finals, Tony waves at you from the court and you give him a flying kiss. John drives you home after a party and talks to your father like any good boy will do.

Many times you travel out of the city and you are tired for the trip back home. You yawn at every passing town when Anthony pulls your hand, let your sleep on his shoulder and he smelling of baby powder. From then on, you dream of every bus trip smelling like his shoulder.

But during the lonely Christmas when every Jonathan must go back to their provinces, the cold freezes your heart and the rustle of the people isolate you in your own city. The colorful lights blind you away back to a childhood dream, a vision of a different boy.

Arms flung apart, his eyes wide like smiles; he takes you away from your family on your sixth simbang gabi. He asks you to run through his meadows, to hit from his joint and to join him catch morning fireflies for his delight.